So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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