dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
