i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm getting married
To pizza
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
