Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
