When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
