All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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