I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
