the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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