I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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