Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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