I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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