apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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