if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
