worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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