She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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