Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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