If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
