Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
