i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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