two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
