Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
