If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
