clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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