just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
