Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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