How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
