My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
