you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
