don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
