dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
