Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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