I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
