That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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