i don't plan on having that self control this summer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Everyone says I win the strip club
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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