i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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