The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
