considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
