I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
