hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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