Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
