I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We got so high we made milksteak
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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