He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
