he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
