how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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