Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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