i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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