Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
