doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
