i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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