i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
