no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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