i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
