tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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