I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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