Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
