I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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