Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
